the c word

when we are young, we are taught that there are words we cannot say. hell is only okay in sunday school. words like damn and even crap will get you into trouble. when we get older, we realize that words like fuck are used regularly in our society (but we still should not say them around our parents). we also learn that there are new words that we Really Cannot Say, Ever. one of these words is cunt.

let's start the examination of the word with this: say the word cunt. listen to the hard consonants, the way it feels on your tongue. sounds good, doesn't it? it sounds strong. harsh. it is not a word used without conviction. now say the word vagina. listen to the nasal tones, the whiny edge the letters make when strung together. it is quite possibly one of the least sexy words in the english language. can you imagine saying the word "vagina" to your lover in the heat of the moment? it sounds so clinical and sterile, which is probably not the mood you'd be going for. and finally, the third word in the female genitalia trinity: pussy. i just can't take it seriously. it just sounds ridiculous. the double s fades off into nothing and slips off your tongue like you never said anything. it sounds like a parody of sexuality, like britney spears grinding away with a snake draped around her.

i'm willing to bet that when britney spears talks about her bits, she says pussy. my gynecologist says vagina. i say cunt.

of course, the sound of the word cunt has become irrelevant. it is one of the few taboo words in our society. you don't go throwing the word cunt around. but i am a strong believer in the power of reclaiming words. after all, the word cunt originates from a place of power. in ancient halcyon days, it was a title given to women of power. and there is still great power in this word. many people believe it is the worst word you can say. there are people who live their entire lives without letting this word pass their lips. as someone who has loved words all my life, i do not believe that a word can be inherently good or bad. for example: if some misogynist asshole called me a cunt, i would slap him silly. but to see more women take back this word and make it their own, that would be even more satisfying for me than slapping some guy.

however, not all "taboo" words can be used by everyone. for example, racial slurs. black people have recently began reclaiming the n word (that is the one word that i cannot bear to say). this is a word that only belongs to them, because they are the ones who have been persecuted by others through the use of this word. another example is fag, which is something that many gay men now use (although personally, i don't use this word. i cannot stand the way it sounds, so ugly) or dyke (i love this word as well, and sometimes use it to describe myself. words like dyke and queer seem to have a much broader interpretation of sexual identity than the terms gay and lesbian, which have always seemed a bit restricting for me)

my relationship with the word cunt started off as fairly typical. it was a word that should Never Be Said, Ever. it was the worst thing you could call a woman, and therefore it was a word rooted in evil. this all changed when i walked into a bookstore a bit after my great feminist awakening and wandered over to the women's section. i was looking through the books when i saw the spine of one book in particular. the title of the book was cunt. and my mind said,
woah.
back up a minute,
there is a book called cunt?
in the women's studies section?
what? you can't do that!
there's a flower on the spine!
why is it pretty?
don't these people know that cunt is a Bad Word?(?!?!?)
i pulled out the book and looked down on it. the cover was so simple and so complex. it was a happy looking thing, a calm blue background. there was a picture of a orange flower, petals wide open. and there's that word: cunt. the negativity i associated with this word contrasted violently with the serenity of that cover. i read the back cover. then i read it again. i went back to the bookstore three more times, always just to look at that book. then finally, i worked up the courage to buy it. i looked at the cashier with sureness. yeah, i was buying a book called cunt. i was expanded my horizons, goddammit! you looking at me, punk?

of course, my relationship with the word cunt changed completely after i read inga muscio's enlightening, moving, life-altering book. and "life-altering" is not something a term i throw around. especially not about books. i don't fuck around with my literature. seriously, if you have not read the gospel of inga then get your ass out there and get your hands on the book cunt (and when you're done with that, get her second book autobiography of a blue-eyed devil. it's about racism in america, and i am halfway through it and am unable to put it down. inga muscio is fucking amazing. i would be perfectly content to just sit at her feet and listen to any wisdom she feels like giving while i knit various clothing items). i began to fall in love with the word. i had always tried to find a word that fit me and my bits. i've already mentioned my dislike of vagina and pussy, and let me go on to tell you that i can't stand repressed terms like "down there" that are only used by coy women's magazines. now that i had gained an understanding of the word cunt, i felt like i had found the word i was looking for. if only i could find someone to say it to.

and then: march, this year. a restaurant fifteen minutes from my high school, with amazing pasta. prep and i were having lunch, having a discussion on words we hated. a said, "you know what i can't stand?" she darted her eyes from side to side, leaned forward and mouthed the word cunt. ah. "i hate that word", she said emphatically. and then again: may. prep driving the car, me sitting shotgun. all of a sudden, the word cunt pops up in her sentence. she went onto say, "i love that word!" "so do i!" i said excitedly. i don't know how it happened, but prep had suddenly discovered the power of cunt. the word shows up in our conversations now and then, and every time i say it i feel the same strength inside. and one of my favorite memories of prep: a sleepover at my house, some time after we had discovered our mutual love of the word cunt. a sudden thought strikes my mind, and i rush over to my bookshelf with excitement. "looklooklook!" i tell her, and she does. she looks down and sees the bright blue cover, the orange flower, the title: cunt. her eyes opened with surprise, her mouth broke into an open grin, she was stunned speechless in an almost comical way. but i didn't laugh, because seeing her amazement was like watching a little kid at disney world. if that is not proof of the power of cunt, then i don't know what is.